Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Walking out

I never thought I would have to say this........
I never thought this would become realistic............
I never asked for this fate.........
I never would have thought this was possible.........
But I guess I was WRONG!

I am 25 years old, and when I was 14 I was told that my dad may in fact may not be MY dad.

Come to find out there was an affair in the mix and I was #1 an oops baby, and #2 the question of who my dad really was, was in fact unknown. There was only one other person that had slept with my mother at the time. We shall call him Mr. R. Mr. R had been a High School friend of my mom, and my so called dad who we will call Mr. C.
I am not too sure how the story goes but something lead to another and Mr R and my mom slept together and shortly some time after my mom and Mr C slept together then of course she got knocked up and I was the product of the confusion.
From what I gather in the mess is that I was to be raised as Mr. C's child and was to never know the truth of what had happened. I was raised with a brother and a sister who were both in fact Mr. C's children. They look alike and everything, both being brown hair brown eyed kids, then there was me, stuck in the middle with my blonde hair, and hazel eyes..... Ummmmm
As the curious creature that I am I asked questions from the time I was old enough to realize it. I was never treated different and I know that was for my benefit. I was fine with the arrangements that were made but when I was told the truth and the possibilities I wanted and thought I deserved the truth.
I was asked at 14 not to say anything and or look into finding the truth, so as a minor child I didn't and I was ok with that.
I was comfortable with my ignorance, knowing I was loved by a man who didn't have to raise or love me was more than enough for me!
It wasn't until I was about 16 or 17 that I started to want the truth again. I was pregnant with my first child and Mr. C and I were having "Father, Daughter" problems with the whole being a mommy thing. I searched online trying to find out info on the other man, Mr R, and when I ran across some info on classmates.com, I wanted to leave well enough alone. The fact was Mr R didn't know about me, or even the fact that my mother had gotten pregnant, so when I saw that he was in fact married and had 2 children of his own I could break up a family or cause problems without knowing the full truth that only a DNA could give me.
Not wanting to ask Mr C for a DNA I knew it was better to leave things alone.
What was it hurting......
Who would it hurt.......
Why would it matter???????
It was my choice...... Right?????
Apparently I was WRONG!

7 years later I was proven just how WRONG I was!

About 2 to 3 months ago I was at my apartment cleaning house on my very typical off day...... So I thought.....
I got a phone call from my mother who told me she found Mr R on Facebook......
I thought nothing of it at first and said cool, I am glad to hear that........
The next thing out of her mouth was not what I wanted to hear....." I told him about you"

So let's re cap, at 18 I chose to leave it alone, at age 25 MY MOTHER chose to change MY life forever!

I was very upset with the fact that this choice that affected my, my husband's, and my children's was not made by myself or even as a family decision, but was made up by ONE person alone!

I begged my mother to tell Mr. C what she did, I didn't want him to find out through Facebook or anyone else what had went down. I figured he had the right to know that his request was broke.

After a week of fighting with her she told Mr C and I received a text message stating that I was his daughter and nothing would change between us........

So I replied to Mr R's email.

I remind you I am a curious creature and after learning that my oldest 2 daughters had 2 family members on their biological fathers side diagnosed with 2 very different and both very deadly cancers, I figure I needed to find out the truth on my DNA for the sake of my health and my children's health.

Well things progressed and the next thing I know Mr R scheduled a visit to the south.

The visit was good, and a lil weird at the same time. Things seemed to have gone ok until the last couple of nights before he left......
One night I got a text from Mr. C stating that I didn't have a choice but to STAY away from Mr R......
I was furious just to the simple fact that I was 25 and had a brain of my own! Along with other reasons!

After an hour or 2 of fighting via text, I thought things were settled and that Mr C understood that nothing would change the fact that he was DAD.

Another fact I was wrong on, a few nights later I received a text message stating to return his cell phones, he wouldn't answer my texts, calls, or emails, I received an email on Facebook stating I was disowned and was not to contact the family, I had lost my Dad!

I do not regret meeting Mr R, but I haven't grasped the fact that Mr. C has walked out of my life.....
To my dad I will always love u not matter what, I was raised to be strong and to make my own choices... I am sorry you don't agree but my love will never die

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry