Breaking up IS Hard to do...

When you are in a relationship you usually become close to the person that you are with. Some of us even begin to love that other person. But when things begin to go "down hill"and you are no longer happy the inevitable break up is lurking around the corner or somewhere down the road, but when you are in your comfort zone and you have begun to love the person the break up that needs to happen can become indescribably difficult.
 No one looks for that emotional roller coaster that is certain to follow a break up. The insecurity, the void in our hearts, the confusion, the emptiness, and how venerable we seem to become, along with all the other millions of emotions that we usually feel post break up.
That is why some stay in situations and relationships that they know they need to get out of. I think that this is all in time before they realize what they are doing and finally let go.
Every relationship is and break up for that matter is VERY different. It is funny how one tiny detail can make such a HUGE difference in a break up and though there is just one situation there is ALWAYS two different stories.
The girl will be full of detail and the tiniest thing matters the most, and with the guys their stories usually are short, sweet, and to the point. They even have two ending results. You don't usually run across break ups that ended in "mutual" agreements between the once lovers. They are in fact RARE! So what are the end results of the non mutual  agreement break ups? One wanted out and the other just had their hearts ripped out of their chest? Or are there other deal breakers?
The question is this...
 Who is the one that is more venerable to the heartbreak? The man or the woman?
I am sure that this all depends on who you ask, but personally I think it is the woman. We tend to have very high expectations, and with our month "bitch" trip, I will admit we are hard to please or even live with for that matter. So when a man gets tired of our "shit" they throw up their hands and run like hell. Who can really blame them though? Even if you are the type of woman who can admit you can be a "bitch", we are still left with these bewildered looks on our faces wondering what the fuck just happened.
It is funny that after a break up there is always someone asking that question, but then again it is all depending on the situation on who is the one that is left standing there asking it.
But what happens when you conscience has gotten a hold of your head and your heart?
Some are scared to call it quits because of the fact that they don't want to be known as the "heart breaker" and they don't want to have to deal with all the guilt that may come with it. So the already hard break up becomes to now seem almost impossible to do, but there is always an "ice breaker" that makes the guilt trip ends and the screams that are in their head and hearts are finally heard. Some times the sanity comes to play and we finally let go and move on with our lives, or for some reason we end up holding on to whatever we can find to keep what little of our relationship that is left even if deep down we know that it is gone from the grips of our hearts and our hands.
They say it is all in time before we let everything go, but when a woman puts their hearts, souls,heads,energy  and their emotions all in the relationship and the man just puts in their hearts, the woman will indeed end up with more heartache than the man would. Which means that a woman would probably take longer to heal post break up, but when an outsider is looking into the relationship they usually don't understand why the two people are still together in the relationship when there is in fact nothing else left between them but routine, An outsider can see the fakeness that surrounds them and their relationship. The fake smiles, laughs, and even their "I love you's" seem to scream fake, and though it is fake the people that are "trapped" in the relationship think that they are fooling their friends and family with their great acting skills. Even though we all know we have been there before at least once we tend to forget....
Breaking up IS hard to do

Oldies......

So i know it has been forever since I have been on here but with all the drama and chaos I havent had much inspiration.... Sorry yall :(
I did run across some old writings I'd like to share so these next few blogs will be of them... I hope you enjoy

The Start of What The Photography!

I know that it has been forever since I have blogged but my schedule has been non stop for a while!
I have started my photography business, after a life long dream and a lot of work that's been done and a lot more to do!
I have came to find out that pricing and getting clients is the hardest thing to do. Its been almost 3 months since I have started it and no calls yet.... But I will get some.... Maybe...
Other then that it is hard to work out of boxes seeing that we still live with my mother in law and our stuff is still stored away for when we find a place. I can't wait to be able to set me up and area where I can actually work. Awwww the day!
I have been able to get some new equipment and some cute lil props for some photo sessions and I am still on scout for new and exciting locations... This is such an exciting field to work in, but its a lot of work. Especially on top of a full time job, being a mom of three and a wife....but in the end I hope its all worth it...
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Why is it called a "Broken" home?

There is a saying now a days that 50% of ALL marriages end in divorce. After some research they saying is statistically true.
Divorce is all around us, in fact it would be easier to tell you who hasn't been divorced then to make you the list of people who have been divorced.
I am from a broken home as people like to say. My parents divorced when I was 8. At that age your whole world falls all around you. I have an older sister who was 10 at the time of the divorce and a little brother who was 3. Now with most divorces you hear about the children stay with their mother for her to raise. Not in this case. We were stationed in Germany at the time and with our dad and since our parents were divorcing we had to go. We were shipped out of the country back to the United States. At the time we thought we were all going to go home to California. And all meaning my sister, my brother, my mom and I, but when we got to LAX we were told that our mom wasn't going to stay that she was on the next flight out to Phoenix, where she was going to go live.
After many years both of our parents remarried, our father extended our family with 4 more kids, 2 boys and 2 girls and again May years later divorced. Though our mother remarried there was no extended members added to the group.
This made me the second oldest now of 7 kids. After many years and some divorces between me and my sister and us extending our families by having children. I found my biological father which added two more siblings to my count 1 boy and 1 girl. Now making me the only child but having 4 brothers and 4 sisters. And to top this off our mother and our step father divorced, and though us kids are now 28, 26, and 21 our whole world fell apart.
Our mother again left town......again. Leaving 6 grand babies behind and the 7th on the way.
Our step father is now the one left to watch us grow old.
With my husband, divorce was common for him too, he is one of 8 kids. I am not too sure how many times his mom has been married but I know of at least 3. 2 of his sisters and one of his brothers have also divorced and extended our family.
With the 2 families gatherings are always HUGE and crowded! The house is usually loud and exciting and filled with drama. But when things get down and gloomy there is always someone there to help some way. Either a shoulder to cry on, a place to crash or someone to vent to. With all the love in the world.
With this said..... Why are they called "broken" homes. Why can't they be called extended homes? Or better yet LOVED homes.... I know that with all my dad's and all my siblings and all the kids, No matter what I do or what I fuck up at the end of the day I am loved. And for that I am blessed to be from what they would call a "broken" home.
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A Piercing Experience

Last Saturday I went to go get my early Christmas gift. I was joined by sister in law, her boyfriend at the time, her best friend, my brother in law's girlfriend, and my hubby and my two brother in law's met us up there at the tattoo shop to witness the torture. We arrived at the shop right before they opened and the younger kids all went in the shop while my hubby and I finished our cigs.
As we walked in my sister in law was making small talk with the shop owner and the employees there. I didn't think anything of it at first all seemed innocent at first. I was handed my paperwork to fill out for my piercing after I had informed my sister in laws friend that I was going to pay for her piercing as an early Christmas present. She was very surprised since she had just asked if I would let her pay me back.
I didn't even get my first name wrote out before my sister in law had to open her mouth.
" Sandra, Don't forget you have to sign for your daughter."
We all looked at her like she was an idiot seeing that it is VERY illegal to do that and number two the minor is 16 and I am 26, I was a little curious on how that worked seeing the fact that all tattoo shops check ID's for ALL services they offer, and I didn't remember giving birth at the age of 10!
After the tattoo shop heard my sister in law he asked me " How old is the minor?"
I replied " 16"
"Does she have an ID?"
"Yes sir"
"How old are you?"
"26"
" So you are in fact NOT her mom"
" No sir"
" She can not be pierced without parental consent"
"Ok that's understandable. Are we allowed to call her mother to get the consent? She does agree to it but wont be able to make it up here to sign the paperwork."
"No as a matter of fact none of ya ll are! Since she tried to lie to me!" As he pointed to my sister in law. "Bye!"
We had just gotten kicked out of the only place in the Circle City that I knew of to have piercings done. I was pissed!!!!! We walked out of the shop and loaded up the cars. While my hubby and his brothers were still in the shop looking through the tattoos I had words with my sister in law, she apparently didn't give two shits less what she had done. Not only could she had made that guy loose his business but she could have gotten me and that man threw in jail. She knew I was mad at her because she decided to go for a walk when we went got home.
While her and her boyfriend went for a walk, me and my mother in law called around and was lucky enough to find a place that was open, and had the same rate for piercings. We were all talking and decided that we were going to go have the torture done with out taking my sister in law and her big mouth! So we loaded up again and headed back to the Circle City to get the torture done.
When we got to the other tattoo shop we went in and signed our paperwork paid the man and waited. We had to wait until the other customer was done before we could go back and have our lips pierced. My sister in laws friend was wanting the Monroe (the one that makes you look like you have a beauty mark) and I was going for what I know as a fish hook, but i guess they are known now as a snake bite. Of course I made her go first. She made it look so easy as she had an 8 inch needle go through her lip! before I knew it it was my turn and then it was over. My hands got sweaty, and I got a hot flash too. I figured I was fine until I stood up.... i felt like i was going to pass out! Even though i never did the tunnel vision and the weakness was enough to come close! Needless to say I am done with the piercings... it was in fact a piercing experience I wont forget!

The Air Mattress vs. The 7 year old.....

A lil shy of a week away from Thanksgiving my 7 year old daughter was getting ready for bed. It was a Friday night and we were behind schedule so I was trying to hurry them up to get to bed since the 2 girls had to miss school that day due to being sick with strep throat, and upper respiratory infections. Plus my 3 year old was sick with the same and coup and laryngitis, so I was having an AWSOME day! (All sarcasm there).
Since we are in the process to the big move and staying with my mother in law we have the younger 2 girls on an air mattress and the oldest on the couch in the living/family room. Well for some odd reason, probably to put her geek gear aka glasses away, Lo was getting back out of bed and caught her right big toe under her right foot and stepped on it! Being in the back half of the house I was unaware of this until she came and showed us her toe, I had my husband look at it and he thought it was just a sprain and we sent her to bed.
The next morning when I got a better look at it my gut instinct told me there was more to the sprain toe then we originally thought and I called into work to take Lo to the dr, this made our second trip in 3 days! When we got to the dr they wanted us to go to the hospital for a x-ray, never a good sign.
We went to the closest hospital for the x-ray and after the technician took the pictures, she viewed them to make sure they were good before sending us on our way home.... Well we didn't go home. Instead they sent us to the ER because Lo had in fact broke her big toe! Only my child I thought.
As we waited in the ER for them to call the orthopedic doctors to get his option on the matter and what to do, poor Lo was questioned and talked to by EVERY old sick person in ER it seemed like and she kept asking me " Mom why are they all talking to me" lol, again only my child! One lady came up and used baby talk on Lo and she had to ask when that lady walked away. " Do I look like a baby? She was talking to me like I was a baby!" (Laughs out loud) awwww kids!
After a long wait they came and told us that they were going to put her in a post opt boot until we could follow up with the bone specialist on Monday, but they were having to find a small enough boot! Apparently kids don't break their bones on the weekend in the South!
Another long wait and they come back with a long cart and a pair of crutches. GREAT I think to myself. She's going to break her arm or leg before we can even get out of the ER! They improvised on her post opt boot and gave her the crutches. Which were too big! Of course I didn't notice it until after we got home when my husband informed me of the fact. And when I really paid attention it was oh so obvious! Lol Thank God I took them away from her before we even got out of ER!
We got home and poor Lo had 2 days of staying off her foot til we could get to the specialist for further instructions, not an easy task for a 7 year old I am sure!
After a LONG weekend of " I'm bored", I called and made an appt for the bone specialist. We got in there later that afternoon and they were NO help at all! They took a whole 5 MINUTES with her! They decided to keep her in the post opt boot. I thought it made no sense at all! She is 7! And with a post opt boot her toe is exposed to being hurt again! But what do I know! I don't have the PHD in medicine, so of course I know SHIT! After the doctor gave his "expert" opinion, his shadow aka the nurse stayed and told us that due to our insurance we had to go see another specialist for the post opt boot! Ridiculous I know! That has made the 5th specialist in 4 days! So off we went to get the post opt boot, but wait! They took off Lo's rigged boot and she had no other shoe with her! Man! She is a 50lb kid with one shoe! And I barley push over 100lbs soaking wet! Now I have to carry her! FML! Thank goodness my husband was there and he got to tote the kiddo! Lol
We took the short trip around the corner to go get the post opt boot but again they didn't have the right size, AAARRRGGGHHH! I was getting so irritated at this point with this whole ordeal! Come to find out thy were at least able to order one but it would be the next day and they couldn't give me a round about time that it would be in, so another day of no work in order to manage the broke toe.
The following day we got the call that the post opt boot was in at 2:30 in the afternoon! A wasted day of waiting around! Finally though we got the boot and she was able to get back to school after the Thanksgiving break!
We follow up in 2 weeks to see if the toe healed correctly.
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I will not eat paper!

Yesterday while I was at work I received a call from my oldest daughters teacher. She told me it wasn't an emergency but she was very concerned about Koda. According to her Koda was not being herself, and in fact was being defiant and eating paper and erasers. Yes eating paper and erasers. Her teacher informed me that she was going to put Koda on the phone so I could try to figure out her problem, if Koda didn't straighten up she was going to be sent to the office and be paddled. So I talked to Koda a few times with the cell phone reception being bad in the school we lost each other a few times. After loosing her the second time I thought about the fact that Koda may have forgot to take her ADHD medicine. So I called the school bad to inform the office so they could let her teacher know.
With my work schedule I am unable to be home when they get there so I texted my mother in law and asked her to have Koda write sentences as a punishment. She was too write 3 pages, each page saying something different. Page 1: I will not be disobedient, page 2: I will not eat erasers, page 3: I will not eat paper. All in cursive and all legible. In the past this was the worst punishment I could do to her, she hates writing sentences and it usually got my point across. 39 sentences and 3 hours later, she came to show me her pages... I will not be disobedient, and I will not eat erasers we done top notch. Then came the paper I will not eat paper..... The writing was good, it was done correctly, but what was at the bottom of the page?
I perfect Koda size bite out of the bottom of the page!!!!! Yes she ate the paper!!!!!! And then preceded to LIE when I asked her what happened to her paper and why it was wet....
I know I have some blonde moments and I will usually let the kids slide on the small stuff but we don't tolerate lying, and I KNEW what happened to her paper. It was plain as day! She kept lying about it and finally gave up and told me what she did.
With the crazy work week that I have had, I called my hubby, the poor man, and asked him what to do with her. She doesn't listen to me and she ALWAYS has to have the last word. When my husband got home he talked to her about this and though we didn't really get any where with her I think he finally got the point across.
But seriously why eat paper????
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